ANCIENT TERROR HAS A NEW FOE...AND "SHE" LIVES, LAUGHS AND LOVES
Unleash the fury of the Gods on your adversaries with a single switch.
Crush your enemies' spirits and make them tremble with fear as the echoes of your booming voice decisively commands; "RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!".
(Proper Liam Neeson voice impression recommended but not required to properly operate the hardware.)
If you are in dire need and must summon your last line of defense for heart pounding terror…public unpleasantness and mass hysteria of Biblical proportions,
If you are physically and psychologically ready unleash the most abhorrent creature known in history… and accept the risk and inherent danger to yourself and your loved ones,
If you have run out of all options for winning an argument in public with a “commoner” and believe that only “a manager” can bring a decisive victory in your favor...
Then, we very cautiously invite you to “RELEASE THE KAREN”.
PANEL TECHNICAL INFORMATION:
THE KRAKEN / THE KAREN RELEASE CONTROL PANEL INCLUDES:
- Multi-layer laser cut switch assembly.
- Real / Operable heavy-duty toggle switch. (20A-125VAC / 15A-250VAC).
- SPST (ON-OFF Configuration).
- SPDT upgrade available on request.
- Accurately sized switch guard and bezels based on the Apollo Command Module.
- Custom fabricated stainless-steel washers.
- Reproduction DZUS for enhanced visuals.
- Damage Direction Indicator. (KRAKEN-HIGH DAMAGE, KAREN-MAX DAMAGE)
- Completely designed, manufactured and assembled in our Orlando facility.
- Ships within 5 days.
- If you need a panel urgently, please contact us and we can expedite your order.
Important usage warning: Although our switch panels are sold as memorabilia & display units, they include industrial grade toggle switch / button hardware as a part of their design. We utilize these components within our simulation projects and wire them in order to make the switches operational. In the case of powered operational use, the owner assumes all risk and liability for proper installation of these products. Concord Aerospace is not liable for any damages caused by the incorrect use or faulty wiring of our products.
THE ANCIENT LEGEND OF THE KAREN
(The Fallen Goddess of Delusion and Unpleasantness)
Depiction of The Karen Getting Banished from Olympus by Zeus.
Greek legends first spoke of “THE KAREN” as the unloved incestual love child of ENTITLETES (The lesser-known God of Delusion and Entitlement) and PRIVIOS (The Goddess of Privilege). When “THE KAREN” was born, all Gods were shocked to see that she already had the physical appearance of a 45-year-old unfit white woman in sweatpants.
As years went by, “THE KAREN” developed a hatred toward all other Gods who looked different from her. Because of her lack of intellect and charm, she would only communicate by getting into arguments and when she sensed the impending loss of an altercation, “THE KAREN” would immediately ask to speak with Zeus to intervene and fix the problem for her.
After years of unrest on Mt. Olympus, “THE KAREN” was banished by Zeus because of her antics and overall demeanor and constant racist tirades. It is also believed that on one occasion, her hideous hairstyle (Based on the classic Greek/Corinthian Warrior helmets) angered Ares (God of War) as he thought it was a joke and “THE KAREN” was making fun of brave soldiers. No matter what the reason, in all historical versions of the myth, “THE KAREN” was thrown out of Olympus for all eternity as the Fallen Goddess of Unpleasantness. It is believed that she still lives in a secret underwater chamber under the island of Mykonos complaining about the water in the Mediterranean being more wet than the water in the Aegean see. She is still waiting to speak to Poseidon about the issue.
KAREN TRIVIA #1: The World’s first documented Karen encounter was witnessed by PLATO in 320 BC in Athens Acropolis Agora, (then a popular marketplace) when a wined-out KAREN demanded a replacement of broken olive oil amphora (which she broke) and kept insisting to speak with the manager of the ancient site for a replacement and a full refund.
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT KAREN SAFETY:
Like most monsters, the origins of “THE KAREN” is based on folklore and centuries old tales to scare children. After years of research and decades of anthropological research, we now know that “THE KAREN” is in fact a type of human lifeform and not the mythical vengeful demigod as it was believed for centuries.
Unfortunately, there has been an increase in “THE KAREN” sightings in modern times as the species have developed the ability to hide as a normal human in most public places and can assume many shapes, sizes and ages.
For your safety, avoiding a KAREN encounter is the best way to protect yourself and your loved ones. However, there are some basic KAREN SAFETY TIPS you can take away that will make you feel more relaxed and minimize your risk when you are in public areas that might be considered a KAREN habitat. These preventative measures will also give you the confidence that you are living in a modern society, and you are not alone.
HOW TO SPOT A KAREN:
- In most cases Karen is of a “female” form, however in the recent years there has been an increase in the male counterpart population of “Kyles” male subspecies as well.
- Display of increased and violent sense of entitlement and delusion, leading to their often-racist behavior,
- Extreme rude attitude toward customer care and food service employees,
- Heightened sense of self-conviction that they know anything and everything better than any other person, scholar or expert,
- Addiction to authority figures like store managers, restaurant owners and local law enforcement.
IF YOU ENCOUNTER A KAREN:
- STAY CALM: Try to remain calm and avoid sudden movements.
- BACK UP SLOWLY: Never turn your back on a Karen or run. Running could trigger an attack.
- DO NOT STARE: Although it is hard to not look at this train wreck of evolution, the Karen will see a direct stare as a challenge of her dominance or as a mating call on days she gets her haircut.
- GIVE IT SPACE: Make sure you give the Karen enough space to get away and that you are not blocking access to the Karen’s spawn/offspring or food supply.
- ALWAYS BE PREPARED: As a predatory impulse, The Karen is more interested about the hunt than the prey itself. Calmly ignoring the Karen attack will likely infuriate her even more and give you and others witnessing the public display of toxicity an opportunity to start exposing their hypocrisy as a pack.
- IF YOU ARE WITNESSING A KAREN ATTACK: It is said that just watching a Karen attack her pray is enough to cause years of mental anguish even if you are just a mere witness to their public carnage. Always shield your eyes and use your mobile device camera as a protective barrier between you and THE KAREN. This will filter the toxicity getting spewed and will help keeping a proper documentation of the attack which is also called the KAREN KRYPTONITE.
KAREN TRIVIA #2: The famous book of The Art of War by Chinese military general Sun Wu (Sun Tzu) can be effectively used to fend off a Karen encounter. The use of superior intellect, unconventional means and deception to exert psychological dominance produces invaluable leverage over THE KAREN in a public confrontation. Although a master of war, it is also believed that after dealing with a Karen attack himself, Sun Tzu coined the sentiment “I WOULD NOT WISH A KAREN ON MY WORST ENEMY”.
THE KAREN vs KAREN
At this point Concord Aerospace team would like to clarify that our "RELEASE THE KRAKEN / KAREN SWITCH PANEL" is designed as a humorous satirical product. The term "THE KAREN" is used to describe a behavioral condition. This product is not intended to subvert or make fun of the actual human name KAREN which we all know from the Bible means "PURE".